No Escargot?

Why can’t you just eat slugs? They are just so plentiful right now. It seemed that every leaf of mustard I picked this morning had one or three slithering on it, and if not its remains; which consist of a silvery mucus butt juice that he forgot to wipe after using the little boys room.

Did you know slugs come in different colors? There are the shiny blackish grey ones that I’ve never seen bigger than an eraser top from a #2 Ticonderoga. The most “common”; the” standard” slug. which I’ve spied in every single one of my friend’s yards. (I do check)  Then the gigantic brown foreskin bump headed ones with two black perpendicular eyebrows running all the way down it’s back. Like a skunk, but of course brown and black, not black and white.

When you squish a slug between your fingers, it’s actually quite soft. You would think soft like squeezing the end of your finger, but NOOooooo more like squishing the saturated wet noodles in the bottom of the kitchen sink the morning after last nights spaghetti feed, kind of squish.

They also kind of gum up on your fingers. After squeezing till eruption, the real slime the same color of the outside slug, spews and amalgams to your thumb and forefinger. Note: every good farmer carries a handkerchief for this reason. Also note to never ask to blow ones nose on a farmers kerchief.

So why don’t I just use a rock and crush slug into dirt? After trying this too many times it always yields the same result A.) the slug just gets pushed into the soft dirt, making you believe that you just tucked him into bed and he will be coming back from the dead the next morning. Or, B.) I get no satisfaction of seeing or feeling slugs death as I am the god to this little garden sanctuary and I don’t allow the devil in my the garden world.