Death is fascinating.
Ha. I am at that point where it’s been so long since writing that I have nothing that seems important enough to put here. I’ve been feeling depressed. It always hits me once and again and I just can’t smile or respond to jokes or hugs or kisses. I am detached and cool like a china doll in its glass display case. My eyes stare straight ahead; I am alive, but barely breathing. A thick humming grey cloud of nothing bandages me from emotion. I am certain that I’m difficult to be around when this happens. I am not able to just snap out of it.
My chicks are no longer little. They are now lumbering beastly teenagers shedding tufts of baby down, now there are sharp feathers growing like dinosaur teeth from their pale pink skin. It must be itchy they take great pleasure in preening themselves and taking showers in the wood shavings. Just learning to fly they love to perch on everything including the lip of their waterer, which they constantly poop in, so I must dutifully clean it daily.
The garden is still there, but with the chaotic weather of recent; downpours of freezing spring showers just aren’t helping to welcome them to the now sporadic sunshine. I have to stop looking so often, its not happening fast enough. A day is still 24 hours. A year no longer takes forever, when you’re not in a hurry to grow up.
Bees are fine. They didn’t notice our prying hands awkwardly tumbling their hive frames. We searched for the queen but she was hiding in the humming mass of zzzzing yellow fuzzy black shiny worker bees. Already there was little rice grain sized eggs, pupa, and a frame of capped cells. Such luck. Our friend reports he’s been stung 6 times so far. Our bees must like us.
It’s spring. But it’s supposed to rain again on Monday.
Get Hector
2 Comments
I’m doing better. Thanks. I get this way sometimes. But it’s good to be able to feel.
Dear Naomi, good morning.
It’s 8.22 am in Paris and I’ve just read your post. Quite a special one.
Thanks for writing it, you could find the words I and probably many others can’t find to describe that state of mind that comes and goes from time to time.
The picture of the dead chick and the comment were just the right match!
Not that I have any particular inclination to depressed feelings but I do appreciated that you decided to speak your mind, regardless of what your wine blog readers might think.
Amicalement,
Valérie